Tornado - one week later

It’s one week since the tornado hit. I seemed to do pretty much OK until yesterday, Saturday. I felt worn down from emotional fatigue. It’s just impossible to get back to normal, because large portions of my neighborhood are destroyed. Every time I walk out the back door or go anywhere I see gauging reminders of the storm. My backyard is a mess, though Joanne has reestablished neatness and tranquility on the deck itself. I drive through the area and see debris, buildings gone, homes torn apart. You know the hard hit areas because you can look all the way down the block or the ally; there are no trees or garages to block the view. On the nearest main intersection (3 blocks north of me) there sits a Salvation Army disaster trailer. It’s a mobile food and water unit.

I tell people how close it came, but you don’t get it until you see it. Go north on my street one half block and homes are demolished. ONE HALF BLOCK AWAY HOMES ARE DEMOLISHED. You can read that and I can show you pictures of homes nearby that were demolished as well as damage on my property. I can tell you that reading the Star and Tribune on-line the 3600 block and 3700 block of Emerson, the two blocks north of us, are frequently mentioned and there are pictures of incredible damage on my street. Even with that, you still won’t get it until you are in my neighborhood, seeing it with your own eyes.

Yesterday morning the insurance assessor was here for 3 hours. He was very nice and very thorough. He had a nice southern accent and said he was from Texas. It went well, though we were both stressed about his visit prior to his arrival. While he was walking around with Jo, Romie and I spent some time out front. A young woman in a yellow volunteer t-shirt came up to Romie, talked to her about the tornado, and gave her a toy. It was a very nice gesture. She was a volunteer from a church organization so we got a few “God Bless You” statements from her too. I also spent some time yesterday morning on-line. It really bothered me to know that people who were not impacted by this are just living their lives as usual. Facebook friends are posting the same happy things as if nothing has happened. Of course, for them it hasn’t. I’m not sure why that would bother me so much, especially as I absolutely know how much work the City of Minneapolis has done and how there are so many people wanting to volunteer that they are turning most away. It’s not that I want people to still be calling me and texting me with “what can I do to help you” but it seems like they have forgotten that this happened at all. I can’t forget; I see it every time I walk out my door.

After the assessor left Joanne capitulated on my request for lunch at Chipotle. Along with Meesh, we made the trek to Crystal. Just before we left I felt an internal storm brewing, tired and cranky at a maximum level. When we got back home Joanne went outside to nap and Romie and I went upstairs to nap. I was exhausted, and every time I’d start to fall asleep Romie would talk to me, tickle my face with a doll’s hair, sit up to play with the cat… I got increasingly annoyed. It ended with me yelling at her (more than once) and her crying. I made a plea on Face Book for someone to take Romie for a little while. I was too agitated to fall asleep by then, but didn’t see myself naturally calming down with her around clambering for my attention. A friend (one of her best friend’s mothers) responded, and Romie went there for dinner, a movie, and some play time. Jo and I watched a movie on Pay Per View. It was action Sci-Fi with enough excitement to keep my interest but enough Sci-Fi for me to feel it was completely removed from my life. I picked up Romie, and when we arrived home friends were here with fresh baked blueberry muffins. I’m not sure exactly what Annie put in those muffins, but they are incredible! We visited for a while on the back deck. Romie fell asleep on me, and the day ended not only on a better note than it started, but an entire different song.

For the rest of the holiday weekend I am trying to find a balance between getting things done and being gentle with myself. We are also trying to plan some quality family time, and some quality couple time. However, we don’t have specific plans yet, and the weekend is half over. I cognitively realize that my work now is not to wait for things to get back to normal, but to accept that there will be a new normal. My home will be sufficiently repaired. My neighborhood will be rebuilt, though the hundreds of giant, old, trees will not regrow to their glory in my lifetime. I don’t know how we will react the next time tornado sirens wail. I do know that for me, it will not be a warning to be heeded even though nothing ever serious happens. And, likely Joanne will be more willing to come to the basement right away. I hope we can convey to Romie that she’s safe, and the basement is a precaution only. I never want to go through a disaster like this again. Even though you can’t truly relate to what it’s like for me, just as I can’t relate to those who are displaced or were injured from this, believe me, I don’t want you to ever go through this either.